Saturday, February 12, 2011
Then again, you begin to notice things you never noticed before when it plays a part in your survival. Maybe it hasn't been raining a lot? Maybe this is typical New York weather, but I had better things to think about before these wastes of flesh took over. Either way, the rain seems to keep them at bay. So as far as I'm concerned, let it pour.
45 days has passed since I kissed my boyfriend goodbye, went to work and never returned home. I've been working my way back, slowly...cautiously, moving from apartment to apartment. I'm not interested in keeping these streets "clean" so to speak. I'm interested in resources; food, weapons, shelter. Not friends, allies or help. Luckily for me, I worked in a drug infested area - so weapons aren't a problem. I have learned to use and gain access to everything and anything from shotguns to pistols to switchblades and can probably shoot a beer can from 2 blocks away - if given the right sniper rifle of course.
In other words, stay the fuck out of my way.
Did I ever think I'd be this kind of girl? No. But you do what you have to do to survive. And so far, I'm doing something right.
Through it all, hope and memories are what keeps me going - hope that things go back to normal. Hope that he's waiting at home for me. I'm convinced he is. And I hope he's looking for me too.
Then again, hope only goes so far and memories fade.
And just like that, the rain stopped......
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Losing Stephanie was taking its toll on me. Psychologically my mind had broken down. I couldn't focus nearly as well as I did before. I was losing sleep, I had no appetite and worst of all my work was getting sloppy. I couldn’t focus on anything. My mind just wouldn’t let me do the things I had been doing this whole time which became key to my survival. My last three trips out for supplies were disastrous. The first two times I barely made it into the parking lot before the memories of the incident came flooding back to me. I had to leave and head back. The third time I managed to snag some food, but I swear my mind was playing tricks on me.
As I approached my house I noticed something I hadn’t seen before. Someone had spray painted “I.B.G.” on a house across the street from mine. I don’t remember seeing that before. Even stranger, I swore I heard gunshots, and saw a car being driven around right by the Louie and Ernie's pizzeria. I know this can't be possible, because besides Stephanie, I hadn't encountered a living person in months. I had been sneaking my way around this neighborhood for months; there was no way there were any survivors who were this close to me that I didn’t know about. Not to mention the fact that I saw, or at least I thought I saw, this car literally five houses down from my hideout. Unless these zombies were driving and shooting guns, then I was suffering from serious hallucinations. It's funny, I could swear I saw an old maroon Maxima turn that corner. I have to chalk it all up to stress and lack of sleep from losing Stephanie. It was over two weeks since she died and I wasn't handling it very well. I just have to focus and get my mind back to normal. There's no way I saw someone driving that car...right?
Monday, February 7, 2011
And the day came…
I always knew the exact clothing options I had for the zombie apocalypse. My closet was fully prepared… I thought I was, too.
Before I get into how fully unprepared I was, let me describe my fabulous, and if I do say so myself, functional, apocalypse outfit:
Shoes: Shoes are important. No one wants to be running around zombie filled streets in socks… or worse… barefoot. It’s bad enough my pedicure has not been updated in 2 weeks! The shoes I have are really boots. They've become one of my best friends. They are these perfect all black leather knee-high lace up flat hard-heel doc marten type bad gals. They kick ass. Granted they were not great for running, no arch, but I figured if I could run in 4in or higher stilettos I could handle anything. These allow me to fly through some rough areas and kick down, over or up anything in my way.
Pants: Cotton, black leggings. Enough said! Ok, ok… leggings are a bit of a fad. But in times like these, fuck it! They are comfortable, breathable, easily washed, and allow for flexibility.
Top: Now the top is really a masterpiece. I, thoughtfully, had always seen my apocalypse top as an assembly of practical yet stylish pieces. Let me break them down:
- Green cotton, with a little spandex, spaghetti-strap tank top.
- White cotton v-neck short sleeved t-shirt.
- Black cotton long-sleeve wrap cardigan, with hood and pockets.
(Music Blasting) (Base Booming)
Want you to make me feel like I’m the only girl in the world
Like I’m the only one that you’ll ever love
Like I’m the only one who knows your heart
Only girl in the world…
Rupaul and 7:50 are having a fucking concert out there, Vouging and shit. Have no idea where Rupaul gets all these wigs from, he be switching up his clothes everyday now. By the way, lip gloss on zombie lips is not popping. 7:50 is oogling over it so I guess the expression “a man’s trash is another man’s treasure” or some poetic shit like that is true. I take no trash so I can’t relate. Had to control my immature impulses and stop myself from throwing water at their speakers. Was seconds away from do so but then they started playing “As Long As You Love Me” by the Backstreet Boys. That song is the shit, will fulfill the prophecy many times while playing that song, fuck the haters J .
With the water bucket still in hand I see a little kid turning the corner, could be one of my neighbor’s bad ass kid’s miniature zombie gang member friends…. Fuckit if it is a little kid he needs to learn how to man up anyways living with zombies isn’t for bitch jive turkeys…….. yea fuck it sorry little man, you should have been the chosen one then maybe you could have been divinely rescued….. (Starts to run downstairs and then after the little kid.) Turn the corner and I see the kid turn into an ally, still haven’t seen his face. See 3 Zombies start to head towards the alley. Run towards them whip out the machetes, THWAK sucker machete’d the first one in the neck, head came right off. Swung at the second one, Head came off and did a Machete Clap on the last one……………… it was the first time I had killed anything……….. might have been the shock of it all but I could not move, just kept staring at the blood on my machetes. Then I hear a scream, I run through the alley and reach a main street. The kid was being chased by zombies, he jumps into a car and is quickly surrounded. Going to hate myself later but fuckit…..
“DADDY IS HERE YOU MOTHAFUKN ZOMBIES”
They Zombily Look Up and start running towards me
I look at the kid through the car window and politely scream
“IF I GET BITTEN I AM GOING TO KILL YOU. YOU LITTLE MOTHAFUKA, I SWEAR I WILL RETURN AS A GHOST AND HAUNT THE SHIT OUT OF YOU.”
Started to run, had no plan in mind, despite my out of nowhere Bruce Lee moment earlier. I don’t know if could replicate that shit with this many zombies. What to do, what to do…. Can’t go to that no taste having, regular looking, no name giving, chubby joint’s house since I’m unsure if she is willing to drop that ladder again. Think think think (Kind of tough to do while running, movies downplay the shit out of this fact.) Run past my block, apparently these two lovebirds have “As long as you love me” on repeat, good song, honestly do not want to imagine them on their date though. Excellent inspiration for running some more actually J.
Ran by a wall that had a “I.B.G.” graffiti tag on it, fuck gang is that? J
I run into the supermarket and hide behind all the Goya Bean Cans. The zombies start walking in, pacing slowly, as if I was the monster hunting them. Since when are these mothafukas so careful… they split into the aisles. Everything is quiet, I feel like even thinking too loud will make a noise, keep still keep quiet.
Who the fuck is laughing?
Zombies and I look outside, they let out a disappointed gasp. Kind of like the one you give when you are eagerly awaiting a text message from the illusive Miss Awesome and it’s the regular looking chubby joint you have no interest in.
The person laughing was Tia (Note- Tia in Spanish means aunt, this lady was definitely not my aunt. But she is one of those old drunk chilling in front of the grocery store drinking beer out of a foam cup lady that makes every little kid going into the store call her Tia.) Tia was not homeless but she seemed to always have the same clothes on. Don’t know why the zombies didn’t attack her. I’m assuming it’s because she looked like one of them already and they probably thought she was a zombie or they couldn’t hold their breath long enough to eat her. Either way, do your thing booboo, congrats on surviving. The chosen one can’t use that tactic, the beautiful women of this earth need me to be at the pillar of awesomeness, disguising myself as a zombie is a bitch-move.
Tia looks straight at me through the glass, raises her drunken finger, points right at me and yells “Boo!”
Taking cue from Tia the zombies head straight for my Goya Castle. I burst through it and throw a can at the window and jump out of it. Was too angry to run
“I’m going to trip the shit out of you and make you fall into a tub of water you stupid dirty old Bi..”
Angry Rant was interrupted by the sound of zombies chasing me, I start running (Tia’s laughter echoing behind me.)
Run into a projects building and start running up the stairs. Going up 22 flights gave me plenty of time to work off the frustration from Tia’s bitch move. Get to the roof and run, zombies right behind me and jump to the other projects building that was next to me. Land on my stomach, legs still dangling. Hit my jewels, hopefully these can still fulfill the prophecy. Zombies start trying to jump and fall in between the gap, I immaturely start to laugh and scream.
“Tell Tia I’m going to FUCK HER SHIT UP with soap all over my brass knuckles the next time I see her”
So exhausted I fell asleep right there on the roof…
Jay MF Ruez
Sunday, February 6, 2011
The greatest strength these zombies have over us, besides their inability to feel anything, is their vast numbers. Since zombies are people, or should I say were people, and over 90% of New York’s population, and quite possibly the world, has been turned into zombies, they have massive numbers in their favor. They can surround you easily and this makes for a difficult situation. However, staying calm and remembering key points can keep you alive if you ever find yourself faced with a swarm of zombies.
- Travel on High Ground:
The best way to move around the city, or any location, is covertly. These zombies can smell you, they have fairly decent night vision and they’re more difficult to navigate around than you would suspect. If you have to move around your location stick to roof tops, fire escapes and anything else that keeps you off street level. Traveling underground through tunnels and city subway systems usually seems like a good idea, but remember out on the roof tops you have day light to assist you. Underground, it’s always dark. Zombies can easily follow the echoes of your footsteps or the flashlights you will undoubtedly have to use to navigate the underground. Rooftops also provide excellent places to camp out. Zombies are not prone to going into buildings and inspecting. They are creatures of instinct and usually only chase what they can see. If you’re inside a building and they don’t see you, they can’t chase you. Rooftops and cutting through buildings are always your safest ways to travel.
- Always Use the Middle
Most city streets are wide and have ample space. There’s no need to stick to the sidewalks and keep your back up against a building. If you’re walking around street level the best way to navigate is through back alleys and anywhere that will keep you hidden for as long as possible. However, if you must venture out into the wide open spaces then it’s safest to use the tactic of “The Middle.” This means plain and simple walk out in the middle of the street, or the center of whatever open area you’re in. If you’re in an open area zombies are without a doubt going to see you. There is no point pressing yourself up against a building and thinking it’s a good idea to cover your back when meanwhile all you did was eliminate one direction with which you can run away. Stay out in the middle of the streets. You can move quickly in any direction you need to and it makes it harder for a group to close in on you. If you’re up against a building all a group of zombies has to do is gather in front of you and then you’re screwed. If you’re in the middle of the street you have four directions to run, you can survey a larger area of space to get a better sense of where to move and you will most definitely be surrounded by abandoned vehicles giving the zombies obstacles to deal with to get to you. The vehicles also serve as a means to escape because you can always run across the tops of cars to give yourself more space.
- Daylight is Your Friend
Unless absolutely necessary, travel at night is not a good idea. The power is out in most cities and there are no street lamps, signs or billboards to light your way. The only light you will have is your flashlight, which the zombies will see! Unless you’re equipped with stealth tactical gear and high powered night vision goggles, which you aren’t, then moving at night isn’t smart. You cripple your key sense with darkness and you create a blatantly obvious moving target for the zombies to chase. Moving during the day time may seem like a stupid idea but overall it is much easier to navigate. During the day you only have the zombies to deal with. (Ha, only zombies!) At night you have zombies and darkness. It just doesn’t seem wise to pick up the extra handicap.
Hopefully this information has made sense to you. More importantly, I hope this information will serve its purpose; keeping you alive.