Monday, January 17, 2011

I LoOoOOoOOve My Neighbors :P

It is raining today, and these days STILL suck, even during this zombie shit. Hence I’m cooling out, looking out my window. Miss Awesome should take a crack at looking for me today, shit I’m the mothafukn chosen one anyways. Chase me for once J.


When this zombie epidemic hit, I did not leave my neighborhood. Grew up here so I figured I had my best chance to survive here. Plus no GPS? FuUuUuck THAT! I’d get lost after going three blocks away from my house. And there was a lot of pretty girls in my neighborhood when things were normal, so I figured that I’d start the salvation plan here J. Apparently the zombies had the same idea since everyone stayed-all of the neighbors I never spoke to, drug dealers, girls I liked, girls I would have given it to but would never get into a relationship with, girls I would have given it to if no one ever ever EVER found out (fuck you don’t judge me J), girls I had no chance with for whatever reason (every reason being their fault, they should have had better taste J) . Bet they would have killed themselves, if they weren’t already dead, if they knew Daddy was the future prophet and savior of the world. Ladies, you Fucked Up J.) I have had the fortune of not bumping into any family members, my little brothers and mom are gangsters just like me. They must have escaped to DR or something…. I know they did.

Ahem, something that hasn’t changed in me is how super mature I am though-I still hold grudges, fuck that :P. Lets point out some of my zombie neighbors:

Zombie Walking by # 1- Police Officer: Same one that gave me so many tickets, glad they ate your hands.

Zombie Walking by # 2- Drug Dealing Blood Gang Member Named 7:50 (note, I have no idea why in the fuck he got that name, did he kill someone at 7:50? Born at 7:50? Was it a.m. or p.m. ? I have no idea): Chilling with the Rupal looking zombie, both of them standing with that HeEeY, finger snap snap stance. Always had suspicions about 7:50, he stared at guys to much. They were fooled into thinking it was a gangsta grill, little did they or I know that it was more of a jailbird, lets be soul mates gangsta look.

Zombie Walking by # 3- My Closest Female Friend, Not Girlfried, That’s Right Female Friend: I know what ya are thinking and you are totally right: “How can anyone resist you Jay MF Ruez?” To be quite frank I have no idea, some women are just blasphemous and crazy I guess. I’m glad that bitch got eaten too (Immature for a reason, keep reading J). First off she was so awesomely epic, Miss Awesome would hate on her, BEAUTIFUL chick. Dare I say that she could have kept the chosen one, and I would not have even spread these genes, fuck the world let it rot, because I would have had my princess and it would have been all that mattered and I would have killed every zombie in the world for this chick. I tell you. Why weren't we together you might ask? The Friend Zone…. Who invented that Mothefucka? Who was the asshole that has forever doomed us men to be locked into this escape proof, non-sex getting prison that keeps us away from women that we tend to be madly in love with but see us as a “brother”, as if we volunteered for that shit (we got drafted into that mothafukn position). HOPE I BUMP IN TO THAT ZOMBIE, because on behalf of all the men in history I would fuck his shit up. Immature I know, I know. But fuck you don’t judge me.

Zombie Walking by # 4- Neighborhood Ugly Chick: It’s crazy how she preserved her appearance better than any other zombie chicks in the neighborhood, ironic how in this world she’s the pretty one. She got that Ronald McDonald smile thing going, laughing at the other zombie chicks “Ooo you ain’t got a leg girl? It’s alright, go to the gym and you’ll look prettier, log onto zombieharmony.com or something, maybe they can find you someone” You go girl, be conceited (she was not on my world salvation list so becoming a zombie might have been the best thing to happen to her).

Zombie Walking by # 5- My Neighbor’s Bad Ass Son: Fuck what mature people say, there are some kids in this world that are just bad. And this little fuck was the KING of the little bad demons of the world. Fuck around and he was the one that started this whole zombie shit, bad ass kid. Wish I could throw a rock at him but I don’t feel like running after being noticed. AND it’s raining so I don’t feel like fucking up my Gucci slippers (fuck you don’t judge me, they are comfortable.)

And last but not least Zombie Walking by # 6- A So Called Friend of Mine: Glad they ate the shit out of him. Why the animosity you ask? Because during life although he did not have the zombie disease, he had the bitch ass hater fake friend disease. He had the “Yea I know I don’t have a chance with this girl but let me cock block you so that you can’t bag either even though she is clearly feeling you and not me” disease. He had the “yea I’m not going to text my friend that could super hook you up with that girl you were feeling from the party” disease. He had that “let me go up to the girl you just hooked up with and outwardly ask her if she really hooked up with you and purposely make shit awkward for us” disease. He had the telling the girl behind my back "Nah girl, don’t mess with him, he don’t wifem he one nights’em” disease. And just like the zombie disease, the hater one had no known cure either.

I can keep going on and on about my neighbors, but I guess I’ll save that for another rainy day. I LoOoOOoOOve My Neighbors J


Love,

Jay MF Ruez


Edited by Quin the Hunter



1 comment:

  1. I guess the neighbors don't know your name huh? LOL

    ReplyDelete