Sunday, February 27, 2011

Homecoming 3/3

Before I could even process the situation, Chris is jumping across the bed and coming after me. This moment was the closest I’ve ever been to being a 5 year old little girl. I screamed at the top of my lungs as he lunged towards me, and I did the only thing I could think of; I threw the phone at him. This, of course, did nothing as I watched the plastic house phone bounce off the top of his head and flop helplessly to the floor. Chris tackles me backwards against my mothers’ dresser. The mirror shatters as the weight of both our bodies slams against it. He’s a lot stronger than he looked. I don’t know if this whole rage induced frenzy has given him super human strength or something, but the situation was quickly turning pretty damn bad for me. He lunges at me with his mouth open trying to take a bite out of my neck, but I side step him and push him away just in time for him to miss my neck by inches and send his head crashing into the wall.

I quickly get behind him, wrap my arms around his waist and spin him around, tossing him over the bed and onto the floor on the other side of the room. I managed to get him away from me but now he’s on the side of the room with the only door. “Think Ant think, how the hell can I get out of here?” As soon as he stands up, I knew I had to make a quick move. I bend down, grab the bottom of the bed and flip the mattress upright. I push it towards him, and keep pushing until he’s trapped between the mattress and the wall. It seemed like a good idea at the time, but seeing as how my mother has a Queen sized mattress, I had now managed to block the door as well. This really sucks. In a moment of complete panic, and probably even more complete stupidity, I do the only thing I can think of; I rush straight at the window and jump. I was only on the second floor and I knew we had an awning for me to roll on, but it was still pretty damn stupid. But what can I say, I had no other choice, and I had to get out of there. I roll across the top of the awning making as much noise as one man could possibly make, fall off the awning and begin to topple down towards my driveway. At a minimum I expected to walk away from this fall with at least a broken leg, which was a guaranteed death sentence right now. As I roll off the awning and fall, I manage to grab hold of the railing on our patio, which was only about six feet below the awning itself. I’ve never been able to do a single pull-up a day in my life, yet somehow today I managed to dive through a glass window, roll off an awning and then catch myself in mid-air with one hand on our patio railing. I don’t question why or how things happened, I’m just damn grateful they did. I hang there for a second in sheer disbelief that I had stopped falling, and then I see my neighbor come bursting through our front door.

I let go of the railing and drop the last 8 feet straight down to our driveway. I managed to land on my feet and simply stumble back a bit. I can’t help but think to myself “Nice catch Ant.” Chris is already running down our front stairs heading after me. I don’t know who else is around to have heard all the noise I just made, but honestly I don’t care to find out. I make a mad dash for my car, jump in and fire up the engine. My neighbor jumps on my hood, and punches my windshield. With one giant shot of force he cracks my windshield. I scream out “OH SHIT!” and I speed out of my driveway in reverse. I whip the car around and watch this possessed former neighbor of mine get flung off my hood and go flying over a parked car. Smoke from my tires fills the street, and I speed out of there faster than any safety regulations would recommend. “What the hell just happened?!” I look in my rear view mirror, and not only do I see my neighbor giving chase, but a huge crowd of at least forty people behind him as well. They were all running after me as fast as they possibly could, but let’s face it I’m in my car now and if you didn’t kill me while I was trapped in a bedroom with only a phone to defend myself, you sure as hell weren’t catching me now. I speed down Crosby Avenue with no general destination in mind. All I knew was I had to get the hell away from my house and figure out what in the hell was going on! But who could I turn to? Where could I go? Who had information? I plug my phone into the charger, and let the battery get some life back into it. Maybe my friends were having some better luck right now than I was. Then again, I’m assuming my friends weren’t all messed up like my neighbor was. All I knew was I just escaped the clutches of certain death, and I was grateful.

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