Monday, February 7, 2011

Only Girl in the World

(Music Blasting) (Base Booming)

Want you to make me feel like I’m the only girl in the world
Like I’m the only one that you’ll ever love
Like I’m the only one who knows your heart
Only girl in the world…

Rupaul and 7:50 are having a fucking concert out there, Vouging and shit. Have no idea where Rupaul gets all these wigs from, he be switching up his clothes everyday now. By the way, lip gloss on zombie lips is not popping. 7:50 is oogling over it so I guess the expression “a man’s trash is another man’s treasure” or some poetic shit like that is true. I take no trash so I can’t relate. Had to control my immature impulses and stop myself from throwing water at their speakers. Was seconds away from do so but then they started playing “As Long As You Love Me” by the Backstreet Boys. That song is the shit, will fulfill the prophecy many times while playing that song, fuck the haters J .

With the water bucket still in hand I see a little kid turning the corner, could be one of my neighbor’s bad ass kid’s miniature zombie gang member friends…. Fuckit if it is a little kid he needs to learn how to man up anyways living with zombies isn’t for bitch jive turkeys…….. yea fuck it sorry little man, you should have been the chosen one then maybe you could have been divinely rescued….. (Starts to run downstairs and then after the little kid.) Turn the corner and I see the kid turn into an ally, still haven’t seen his face. See 3 Zombies start to head towards the alley. Run towards them whip out the machetes, THWAK sucker machete’d the first one in the neck, head came right off. Swung at the second one, Head came off and did a Machete Clap on the last one……………… it was the first time I had killed anything……….. might have been the shock of it all but I could not move, just kept staring at the blood on my machetes. Then I hear a scream, I run through the alley and reach a main street. The kid was being chased by zombies, he jumps into a car and is quickly surrounded. Going to hate myself later but fuckit…..


They Zombily Look Up and start running towards me

I look at the kid through the car window and politely scream


Started to run, had no plan in mind, despite my out of nowhere Bruce Lee moment earlier. I don’t know if could replicate that shit with this many zombies. What to do, what to do…. Can’t go to that no taste having, regular looking, no name giving, chubby joint’s house since I’m unsure if she is willing to drop that ladder again. Think think think (Kind of tough to do while running, movies downplay the shit out of this fact.) Run past my block, apparently these two lovebirds have “As long as you love me” on repeat, good song, honestly do not want to imagine them on their date though. Excellent inspiration for running some more actually J.

Ran by a wall that had a “I.B.G.” graffiti tag on it, fuck gang is that? J

I run into the supermarket and hide behind all the Goya Bean Cans. The zombies start walking in, pacing slowly, as if I was the monster hunting them. Since when are these mothafukas so careful… they split into the aisles. Everything is quiet, I feel like even thinking too loud will make a noise, keep still keep quiet.


Who the fuck is laughing?


Zombies and I look outside, they let out a disappointed gasp. Kind of like the one you give when you are eagerly awaiting a text message from the illusive Miss Awesome and it’s the regular looking chubby joint you have no interest in.

The person laughing was Tia (Note- Tia in Spanish means aunt, this lady was definitely not my aunt. But she is one of those old drunk chilling in front of the grocery store drinking beer out of a foam cup lady that makes every little kid going into the store call her Tia.) Tia was not homeless but she seemed to always have the same clothes on. Don’t know why the zombies didn’t attack her. I’m assuming it’s because she looked like one of them already and they probably thought she was a zombie or they couldn’t hold their breath long enough to eat her. Either way, do your thing booboo, congrats on surviving. The chosen one can’t use that tactic, the beautiful women of this earth need me to be at the pillar of awesomeness, disguising myself as a zombie is a bitch-move.

Tia looks straight at me through the glass, raises her drunken finger, points right at me and yells “Boo!”

Taking cue from Tia the zombies head straight for my Goya Castle. I burst through it and throw a can at the window and jump out of it. Was too angry to run

“I’m going to trip the shit out of you and make you fall into a tub of water you stupid dirty old Bi..”

Angry Rant was interrupted by the sound of zombies chasing me, I start running (Tia’s laughter echoing behind me.)

Run into a projects building and start running up the stairs. Going up 22 flights gave me plenty of time to work off the frustration from Tia’s bitch move. Get to the roof and run, zombies right behind me and jump to the other projects building that was next to me. Land on my stomach, legs still dangling. Hit my jewels, hopefully these can still fulfill the prophecy. Zombies start trying to jump and fall in between the gap, I immaturely start to laugh and scream.

“Tell Tia I’m going to FUCK HER SHIT UP with soap all over my brass knuckles the next time I see her”

So exhausted I fell asleep right there on the roof…


Jay MF Ruez

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