Sunday, January 9, 2011

So You're Becoming An Undead...Now What?

You fancy yourself a survivor. You’ve managed to survive a good amount of time during the zombieacalypse. You’ve found a group of people, pooled your resources together and have been able to fight off the hungry hordes for quite some time. I bet you feel pretty good about yourself. You’re walking around one day and you lean back against a wall to catch a breather. Too bad your cocky ass didn’t think to check around the corner first. *CHOMP* A nice hefty bite on the forearm. You manage to get the zombie off of you and stab him in the head without making any noise and alerting your group, or worse, other zombies. But now the fun begins….what do you do?

Choice #1:

You can alert the group. Gather them all together gently and subtly and tell them the news. Apologize to them for your mistake and let those dear to you know how much you care for them. You can stay with them until you’re almost turned and then in one last heroic effort go on a zombie massacring rampage and create a diversion that allows the rest of your group to escape safely and continue to live in the wake of your epic failure! You’re a hero…in their eyes, not in mine.

Choice #2

You don’t tell anyone. You keep it to yourself and act like nothing is wrong. You slowly start to get sick and your strength fades. Your group questions you but you chalk it up to fatigue and lack of food, which we both know is NONSENSE! Your team keeps on moving and eventually gets pinned in a tight spot. Just then, your closest friend through all of this tragedy is standing next to you, turns to you and says “Man we need to get out of here!” He waits for you to respond, and when he sees your face you lunge at him and eat his! You’ve jeopardized the group and just eaten your best friend. Congratulations, jerk…

Choice #3

You isolate yourself. Spend your last minutes alone and slowly whisk away into the abyss that is the mind of a flesheater. Too much of a coward to pull the trigger yourself, and too much of a failure to comprehend why you’re in this state right now you ask someone from the group to stay with you until you’re turned. Then you have them put you out of your misery. You’ve now caused one of the people who endured all this hardship with you to have to do one of the hardest things they’ve ever had to do. They will struggle with this for the rest of their lives, however long that may be. Congratulations on ruining someone’s life even further. It’s a good thing you just got shot because I don’t know how you could live with that. Way to go champ…

There are many choices you could make in this situation; these just so happen to be the main and most common three. Another good choice would be choosing a wall to lean against that didn’t have a zombie on the other side of it! Everyone knows you check your corners first! Besides, if you’re going to lean against a wall you lean in the center of the wall or a significant distance away from any corners and doors to avoid being grabbed and bitten. Maybe next time you won’t make this mistake. Too bad there won’t be a next time…

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